As I reflect on my journey, I am reminded of the pivotal moment when I discovered sex-positive feminism at 22. The rise of Nerve. com and the opening of Grand Opening! in Brookline marked a turning point for me. Writers like Susie Bright and Tristan Taormino were making waves with their erotica collections, while Crunch Gym was promoting its cardio striptease classes. Meanwhile, my college internship writing for an adult personals site introduced me to a world of sex-positive literature.
This internship had a profound impact on me, especially as I had just escaped an unhealthy relationship where I lost my virginity under coercion. I struggled to reclaim my sense of sexual autonomy, and the task of reviewing vibrators, porn, and other sexy products became a way for me to take control of my own sexuality. After relocating back home to New Jersey, I delved deeper into the sex-positive scene in NYC.
I interned at the Feminist Press, learning about the complex intersections between sexuality and feminism’s various waves. I attended sexy soirees hosted by Abby Ehmann, where Jamye Waxman taught Sword Swallowing 101 workshops. This connection led me to land my first print magazine clip with an editor at Playgirl. I took a Safer Sex for Sluts workshop with Audacia Ray and later volunteered briefly at $pread, the magazine she launched for sex workers.
My journey eventually brought me full circle when I interned at Nerve. However, over the past 13 years, things have evolved even further. In 2014, I gave birth to my daughter, which led me to work with sexuality professionals at AASECT and the Center for Sex Education. I transitioned into journalism, focusing on spreading messages about normalizing conversations around sexuality and ensuring that everyone deserves a healthy, pleasurable, and consensual sex life.
In 2018, my reported memoir, A Dirty Word, was published, exploring how our culture treats female sexuality like a dirty word. This year, I launched Guerrilla Sex Ed, an online resource for those seeking alternative sources of sex education. I’m thrilled about this project because nothing excites me more than sharing resources with those who previously lacked access to them or knowledge of them.
In the spirit of sharing and empowering others, I’d like to share a list of my favorite sex-positive books suitable for readers of all ages, from kids and preteens to teens, young adults, and seniors. I hope you’ll find something that provides answers or makes you feel seen.
Sex Positive Books for Adults
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
The epiphany I had after reading Nagoski’s book ‘Come As You Are’ was profound. It dawned on me that I wasn’t something to be fixed or improved upon – I was simply enough as I was. This research-driven exploration of female sexual desire shatters the notion that our libidos and pleasure must be fixed or optimized. Instead, Nagoski offers a comprehensive roadmap for readers to navigate their own sexual experiences, working in tandem with their partners to cultivate a more sex-positive life.
What sets this book apart from others on the topic is its empowering message – one that affirms our natural state as normal and sufficient. The contrast to the prevailing narrative couldn’t be starker: where most sex content leaves us feeling isolated and flawed, ‘Come As You Are’ liberates us with the knowledge that we are already enough. Look out for the updated edition coming this spring!
We Have Always Been Here by Samra Habib
While sex-positive content often caters to white, cisgender, heterosexual audiences, it’s crucial to acknowledge that this representation ignores the complex history and ongoing struggles of women of color, who have historically been reduced to vessels for sexual desire. This erasure can make it seem impossible for these individuals to find liberation through sex.
Habib’s memoir, We Have Always Been Here, offers a much-needed counter-narrative by sharing her experiences as a queer, Muslim woman growing up in Pakistan. Her story highlights the dangers of living an authentic sexual identity and the difficulties that come with it. Ultimately, despite the challenges she faces, Habib is able to find a way to live honestly as her truest self.
Sex for One by Betty Dodson
Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon and kd diamond
This groundbreaking queer pleasure guide is a must-have for all women who love women. The comprehensive resource delves into the intricacies of anatomy, fostering effective sexual communication, and exploring an array of techniques to enhance intimate experiences. Moreover, it offers valuable insights on how to bring joy and satisfaction to one’s partner.
The book’s narrative is beautifully woven together by Moon’s words and diamond’s vibrant illustrations, featuring expert wisdom from renowned sexuality educators such as Carol Queen, Ducky Doolittle, Jiz Lee, Ignacio Rivera, and others.
Pleasure Activism Edited by adrienne maree brown
In her book, Brown presents a diverse array of essays, interviews, profiles, poems, and other pieces that collectively highlight the significance of what she terms ‘pleasure activism.’ This concept, as described in her introduction, refers to the efforts made to reclaim one’s entire, contented, and fulfilling self from the far-reaching consequences, misconceptions, and limitations imposed by oppressive or supremacy-based systems.
In order to promote a shame-free embrace of pleasure among women, particularly Black women, Brown shares insightful perspectives and personal experiences that underscore the importance of this idea.
Longing to Tell by Tricia Rose
Black women’s reluctance to openly discuss their sexuality stems from a deep-seated fear of reinforcing societal stereotypes that portray them as hypersexualized and exotic playthings. To challenge these assumptions and break the silence, Rose embarked on an ambitious project, collecting testimonials from Black women across diverse age groups, educational backgrounds, and socioeconomic statuses.
The resulting stories, shared throughout , provide a candid exploration of sex, love, family, relationships, and intimacy, offering a nuanced portrayal of the complexities surrounding Black women’s sexuality.
Naked at Our Age by Joan Price
I had the pleasure of meeting Joan many years ago when she invited me to participate in a sex writing panel at a writers’ conference. Our initial connection grew into a professional relationship as I came to recognize her as a leading authority on sexuality and aging. Whenever I need insights on this topic, Joan is my go-to expert.
With numerous books, webinars, and speaking engagements under her belt, her seminal work Naked at Our Age remains a must-read for anyone interested in exploring the many aspects of later-life sexuality. As we age, it’s common to feel desexualized and overlooked by society. However, according to Joan, this is far from the truth – in fact, she firmly believes that ‘the best is yet to come’.
A Quick & Easy Guide to Consent by Isabella Rotman and Luke B. Howard
I’ve long been an admirer of Rotman’s work, having first discovered her through her contributions to Scarleteen. I was particularly taken by her self-published comic book on responsible bystandership, which has become a treasured possession. Her Consent Cavalry pin has also made several appearances at the National Sex Ed Conference, a testament to my enthusiasm for her mission. So, when I received an egalley of her new graphic guide to consent, which debuted in October, I was over the moon.
The book is expertly guided by Sergeant Yes Means Yes of the Consent Cavalry, who brings the ins and outs of affirmative consent to life in a way that’s both informative and engaging. Overall, this graphic guide is an absolute delight.
The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
The concept of experiencing healthy intimacy with others is inherently linked to one’s ability to love oneself. Over the past 18 years, I’ve noticed a recurring theme among individuals struggling with their sexuality: shame. This pervasive sense of shame often stems from dissatisfaction with one’s body, abilities, or experience (or lack thereof). In order to overcome these struggles, it’s essential to cultivate radical self-love.
Taylor’s book offers valuable insights on how to achieve this self-love, ultimately enabling individuals to engage in meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
A Quick & Easy Guide to Sex & Disability by A. Andrews
In a sea of literature that often perpetuates ableism, Andrews’ graphic guide to sex and disability stands out as a beacon of inclusivity. This comprehensive resource covers the fundamentals of disability sexuality, offering valuable insights and practical communication strategies. If you’re interested in exploring more books within this series, you can also look into A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns and A Quick & Easy Guide to Queer & Trans Identities for further exploration.
Sex Positive Books for (Aspiring) Sex-Positive Parents
Sex Positive Talks to Have with Kids by Melissa Pintor Carnagey
In the realm of sex positivity, Carnagey’s independently published book stands out for its emphasis on empowering parents to navigate conversations about bodies, consent, and pleasure with their children. This endeavor is an extension of her remarkable work with Sex Positive Families, an organization she founded as a sexuality educator and licensed social worker. The mission of this entity is to provide education and resources that foster sexually healthy childhoods.
As someone who has had the privilege of encountering Carnagey’s work, I can attest to its significance and impact. This book offers a valuable roadmap for parents seeking guidance on initiating essential discussions with their kids. It’s an invaluable resource for anyone looking to create a safe and supportive environment where children can thrive.
Sex & Sensibility by Deborah M. Roffman
As I prepared for motherhood, I turned to Roffman’s book as a trusted guide. With my background in sex writing, I was eager to learn how to approach comprehensive sexuality education from the earliest stages of development. The book has been an invaluable resource thus far, empowering me with strategies to engage in open and honest conversations about sexuality with my child.
By exploring the values surrounding sexuality that we often unconsciously internalize, the author helps readers develop a deeper understanding of their own biases and provides practical advice for initiating and sustaining these discussions throughout childhood.
For Goodness Sex by Al Vernacchio
As I entered the National Sex Ed Conference in my first year, Al Vernacchio made a lasting impression by donning a full superhero costume. He went on to compare teaching adolescents about puberty to helping them discover their own superpowers. In that moment, I was hooked – I was determined to follow his parenting advice and eagerly awaited the opportunity to absorb his insights.
His book on communicating with teens about sexuality, values, and health has been sitting on my bedroom shelf for years, waiting patiently until my 6-year-old daughter reaches an age where she can benefit from its wisdom.
Got Teens? by Logan Levkoff and Jennifer Wider
I’ve been eager to revisit a collaboration with Logan, an author I’ve had the pleasure of working with on multiple projects in the past. Her writing voice is uniquely warm, open, and relatable, making her the perfect fit for this particular book. This project tackles the often-daunting task of addressing tricky questions that children bring up, as well as navigating the complexities of these conversations with sensitivity and poise.
Sex Positive Books for Teens and Young Adults
Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe
In ‘Coming Out as Nonbinary and Asexual,’ graphic memoirist Kobabe takes readers on an intimate journey of self-discovery. Initially, eir goal was to create a tool for explaining complex gender identities to family members, specifically conveying the nuances of being both nonbinary and asexual.
However, the book evolved into a heartwarming guide that transcends personal experiences, offering valuable insights for anyone grappling with their own gender identity or seeking to better support loved ones navigating similar struggles.
S.E.X. by Heather Corinna
Scarleteen, a pioneering online platform founded by Corinna, has long been at the forefront of providing comprehensive sex education resources for teenagers and young adults. Given their commitment to empowering young people with accurate information, it’s no surprise that they would develop a sex educational guide tailored specifically to this age group.
The resulting publication covers a wide range of topics, including puberty, human anatomy, body image concerns, as well as critical issues such as safe sex practices, reproductive health, and the insidious influence of rape culture. Notably, the second edition of this valuable resource was released in 2016.
An Intro-Guide to a Sex Positive You by Yael Rosenstock
Through my work at Pure Romance alongside Yael, I gained insight into her contributions to the sex education space. Our collaboration led me to recently conduct an interview with her for Guerrilla Sex Ed. This opportunity allowed me to learn that she penned this book for her younger self, a individual grappling with their sexuality and yearning to see themselves represented in the educational resources available.
The comprehensive guide tackles essential topics such as sexual identity and preference, communication, consent, and more, providing readers with a solid foundation for living a sex-positive lifestyle.
Trans+ by Kathryn Gonzales and Karen Rayne
I’d like to extend a brief apology for the numerous disclosure notes scattered throughout this piece. As someone deeply embedded in the sex education space over the past seven years, I’ve had the privilege of collaborating with or learning from many of the authors featured here. This connection only adds to my good fortune.
Specifically, during my volunteer work at the Center for Sex Education, I worked closely with Karen on a project that ultimately led me to report on the impressive new book by these two authors. Last year’s publication garnered widespread acclaim for its inclusive approach, providing invaluable guidance to transgender, nonbinary, gender-nonconforming, and gender-fluid teens.
The book covers an array of essential topics, including mental health, physical health, reproductive health, transitioning, and more. Perhaps most compellingly, it shares real-life stories from fellow teens, offering a relatable and accessible perspective.
This Book Is Gay by Juno Dawson
In recent years, there has been a significant effort to make sex education curricula more inclusive of the LGBTQ+ community. I believe some of the books mentioned earlier are a major step in the right direction. This particular book is another notable addition to this effort, offering lighthearted guidance on topics such as gay stereotypes, dating challenges, and sexual intimacy. The author, Dawson, describes the book as an essential resource for individuals regardless of gender or sexuality.
What she doesn’t mention is that it’s also a hilarious read, filled with laugh-out-loud moments.
Queer by Kathy Belge and Marke Bieschke
Seamlessly complementing the previously mentioned publication is Queer, which employs a similarly lighthearted and captivating tone to convey valuable insights on embracing one’s unique identity, undergoing the process of self-discovery, building meaningful connections with like-minded individuals, addressing the challenges of queerphobia, exploring romantic relationships and dating, and ultimately, celebrating the beauty of sexual expression.
Let’s Talk About It by Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan
Moen’s name has long been synonymous with sex positivity, thanks to her work on the popular webcomic ‘Oh Joy, Sex Toy’ alongside her husband Nolan. The comic, which has since spawned a series of physical books and even a coloring book, has built a reputation for tackling complex topics in an approachable and honest manner.
Now, Moen is set to release a brand new graphic novel aimed at teens, covering a wide range of topics including relationships, body image, sexting, gender, sexuality, anatomy, safe sex, and more. The book promises to maintain the friendly, open, and straightforward tone that has come to define Moen’s work.
Sex Positive Books for Preteens
The Every Body Book by Rachel E. Simon and Noah Grigni
Most of us didn’t receive comprehensive sex education until high school, leaving a significant knowledge gap during our formative years. The onset of puberty brings about a multitude of physical and emotional changes that can be both bewildering and mortifying if not properly addressed.
This inclusive guide aims to fill this void by covering essential topics such as sex and gender, the intricacies of puberty, love and attraction, sexual intercourse, and more, providing young people with a valuable resource to navigate these complex aspects of human development.
Celebrate Your Body by Sonya Renee Taylor
Taylor’s notable works include two entries on our list. First, she penned a comprehensive guide to radical self-love for adults, and now, she has authored what she describes as the definitive ‘ultimate puberty book for girls’. This book not only provides an in-depth look at the physical and emotional changes that occur during puberty but also addresses crucial topics such as peer pressure, social media safety, and self-care.
Sex Positive Books for Kids
These Are My Eyes, This Is My Nose, This Is My Vulva, These Are My Toes by Lexx Brown-James
My Body Belongs to Me by Jill Starishevsky and Angela Padron
While teaching young children about body ownership, boundaries, and privacy can be a delicate matter, it’s a crucial aspect of their development. Research suggests that kids who grasp these concepts early on are more likely to feel comfortable disclosing any inappropriate experiences they may encounter. This is just one of the many books I’ve come across that effectively addresses body safety, emphasizing the importance of open communication and healthy boundaries.
I Said No! by Jack King, Kimberly King, and Sue Rama
In addition to teaching children about consent, there’s another crucial topic that deserves attention – setting healthy boundaries for private parts. This includes educating kids on how to respond to inappropriate behavior, where to seek help when needed, and how to cope with feelings of guilt or shame that may arise as a result. I recall acquiring this particular resource several years ago, and my daughter has continued to benefit from it, even today.
She’s learned how to identify ‘red-flag’ behavior and take necessary steps to protect herself.
It’s Not the Stork! by Robie H. Harris and Michael Emberley
While Robie Harris is an author I highly recommend, we have a vast collection of her works, including some more introductory titles such as ‘It’s Perfectly Normal’ and ‘Who Has What?’ However, one title stands out for its in-depth exploration of the human experience. This book delves into not only the intricacies of bodies and families but also courageously addresses the age-old question that can be both fascinating and intimidating: where do babies come from?
The Gender Wheel by Maya Christina Gonzalez
In conclusion, the book that originated as a teaching tool offers children a unique opportunity to learn about the traditional gender binary and its limitations. By reimagining this system, we can create a more inclusive environment for individuals of all genders and bodies.
While I could continue discussing the importance of these sex-positive books, I’ll stop here and hope that they serve as just the beginning of your own self-education journey towards a more open-minded and accepting perspective.