I often wonder what my younger self would have gained from having access to a curated list of essential books about sexuality. As someone who never had the traditional ‘birds and the bees’ talk, I relied on pamphlets, online forums, and teen-focused websites to fill in the gaps. The experience was patchy at best, with a mix of accurate information and confusing euphemisms. I recall struggling to understand what my friend meant when she said ‘I gave him something I can never, ever have back.
‘ It wasn’t until years later that I grasped the concept of virginity. This lack of clarity highlights the need for comprehensive resources that tackle sexuality in a straightforward and respectful manner. Fortunately, there are many excellent books about sex that cater to various audiences and interests. From advice guides to academic studies, memoirs, and teen-focused texts, this list offers a diverse range of perspectives on human sexuality.
These books don’t sensationalize or trivialize the subject matter; instead, they present sexuality as a normal and natural aspect of life.
Advice Books about Sex
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski
Emily Nagoski’s concept of ‘Come As You Are’ delves into the complexities of women’s sexuality, challenging traditional notions of normalcy in the process. The core idea is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to human sexuality, as it deeply depends on individual differences and personal experiences. Moreover, context plays a crucial role, with emotions and feelings greatly influencing how we perceive and engage with sex.
By embracing this variability, Nagoski encourages readers to shed societal expectations and instead celebrate the diversity of women’s sexualities.
Getting It: A Guide to Hot, Healthy Hookups and Shame-Free Sex by Allison Moon
This comprehensive resource caters to individuals from diverse sexual backgrounds and experience levels, making it an inclusive and relatable guide. The book ‘Getting It’ by sex educator Allison Moon delves into the intricacies of hookup culture, consent, and effective communication, thereby facilitating a deeper understanding of casual sex.
Hot and Unbothered: How to Think About, Talk About, and Have the Sex You Really Want by Yana Tallon-Hicks
To bridge the gap between sex education and satisfying intimacy for individuals of all genders and sexualities, sex therapist Yana Tallon-Hicks has developed a comprehensive approach. Her upcoming book, Hot and Unbothered, aims to empower readers to take control of their own desires and relationships, leading to a more fulfilling sexual experience. By exploring what you want, like, and are willing to try, the emotional and physical aspects of sex can come together in harmony.
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern
In her work as a polyamorous psychotherapist, Jessica Fern skillfully weaves together attachment theory and non-monogamous relationships, providing readers with a deeper understanding of how these two concepts intersect. To help individuals cultivate strong bonds in their multiple-partner connections, she outlines six actionable strategies for fostering secure attachments.
One resource that can aid in this process is ‘Polysecure’, a thought-provoking book that offers both theoretical insights and practical advice for those navigating the complexities of polyamory.
So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives by Ian Kerner
Ian Kerner, a renowned sex therapist, emphasizes the importance of scrutinizing the ‘sex script’ – the sequence of events that unfolds during intimacy – to help couples overcome their sexual stagnation. By analyzing this intricate dance from various perspectives, individuals can identify areas for improvement and work towards shared gratification.
This thought-provoking book equips readers with the strategies and methods necessary to revitalize their romantic connections and rekindle passion in the bedroom.
Academic-ish Books about Sex
Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen
In a society where sex and attraction often dominate the narrative, what are the experiences of those who don’t feel drawn to romance or intimacy? Angela Chen’s thought-provoking exploration in ‘Ace’ delves into the complexities of asexuality, shedding light on issues surrounding consent, compromise, confusion, and their far-reaching implications on societal structures.
Through a rich tapestry of interviews, incisive cultural critique, and personal narrative, this groundbreaking work offers a comprehensive examination of what it means to be ace, providing a nuanced and multifaceted understanding of asexuality that challenges prevailing norms and expands our collective knowledge.
Been There, Done That: A Rousing History of Sex by Rachel Feltman
History’s intricacies are well-documented, yet the story of sex remains shrouded in mystery. The team behind Been There, Done That aims to shed light on these enigmatic tales by humorously debunking myths and urban legends surrounding birth control, sexually transmitted infections, and aphrodisiacs. Moreover, this journey will reveal that despite the passage of time, human sexuality has remained relatively consistent throughout history.
Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach
Mary Roach’s exploration into the realm of human sexuality delves into the fascinating and often unconventional, as she navigates a timeline spanning from ancient Greece to modern times. Her journey takes her through conversations with experts in the field, including doctors and scientists, who offer candid insights into the intricacies of human desire. The result is a captivating blend of historical context, scientific inquiry, and wry humor, as exemplified by her book Bonk.
Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good by adrienne maree brown
Social justice and sexuality are intertwined, as argued by editor Adrienne Maree Brown. This interconnectedness is at the heart of Pleasure Activism, which explores how issues like sex work, climate change, race, gender, and drugs intersect and influence one another. The movement’s core principle is that politics can and should be a source of joy, rather than just being a necessary evil.
The Right to Sex: Feminism in the Twenty-First Century by Amia Srinivasan
Philosopher Amia Srinivasan’s work is characterized by its focus on the intricate relationships between politics and sexuality. Her book, The Right to Sex, delves into these complex issues, prompting readers to reexamine their assumptions about sex and consider how they might shape a more equitable future through new political frameworks.
Virgin: The Untouched History by Hanne Blank
In exploring the concept of virginity, author Hanne Blank challenges traditional notions and misconceptions in her book Virgin. She delves into the complexities surrounding this topic, examining everything from the definition of losing one’s virginity to the impact of pornography on societal perceptions. Additionally, she analyzes the role of government policies promoting abstinence, shedding light on a often-misunderstood aspect of human experience.
Memoirs about Sex
Crying in the Bathroom: A Memoir by Erika L. Sánchez
Erika Sánchez’s candid memoir, Crying in the Bathroom, offers a refreshingly unflinching account of life as the daughter of Mexican immigrants. With humor and vulnerability, she tackles a wide range of topics, including sexuality, mental health, and everything in between. While sex isn’t the sole focus of the book, it’s certainly addressed with equal parts honesty and wit.
Greedy: Notes from a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much by Jen Winston
Jen Winston’s essays are a hilarious and relatable exploration of figuring out one’s bisexuality, gender, and sex. The author’s journey is marked by self-discovery, from a childhood crush on girls to a quest for a threesome, with the looming specter of the bi stereotype – being seen as greedy or promiscuous – causing her to question everything.
Insatiable: Porn – A Love Story by Asa Akira
Asa Akira’s memoir, Insatiable, offers a sidesplitting account of her life as a porn star, replete with outlandish tales from her time as a stripper and dominatrix. But beyond the salacious stories, the book also delves into the complex and multifaceted world of the adult entertainment industry, shedding light on its impact on our culture and society.
The Sex Lives of African Women: Self-Discovery, Freedom, and Healing by Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah
This blog post, ‘The Sex Lives of African Women’, is a vibrant celebration of liberation and individuality. The book weaves together stories from over 30 African women across the globe, including the author’s own personal journey. Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah takes readers on a thought-provoking exploration of various experiences, spanning from the queer community in Egypt to polyamory in Senegal, and delves into the complexities that exist between and beyond.
Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement by Tarana Burke
Tarana Burke’s memoir Unbound delves into the deeply personal story of her own journey towards healing and empowerment. As the founder behind the #MeToo movement, she initially struggled to come to terms with her own experiences before being able to effectively support young Black girls who had survived sexual abuse.
The book offers a powerful exploration of how one’s inner journey is crucial for sparking meaningful change, revealing the transformative power of self-reflection and vulnerability in the pursuit of justice.
Books about Sex for Teens
Doing It!: Let’s Talk About Sex by Hannah Witton
Hannah Witton, a prominent sex-positive vlogger, has shared her unapologetic and amusing accounts of sexual experiences, confessions, and revelations. Her book, Doing It!, serves as both an introduction to the topic of sex and a comprehensive guide for those seeking to expand their knowledge.
While the focus is on sexual exploration, Witton also delves into the realms of healthy relationships, pornography, and contraception, offering readers a nuanced understanding of these interconnected topics.
Losing It: Sex Education for the 21st Century by Sophia Smith Galer
For many, the sex education they received left them with more questions than answers. Enter ‘Losing It’, a game-changing book that seeks to revolutionize the way we think about sex. Author Sophia Smith Galer is on a mission to move beyond the standard abstinence-only and STI-focused approach, instead placing the spotlight firmly on our own pleasure and consent.
With a specific focus on education in the UK, the book shares powerful stories from individuals of all backgrounds who have been impacted by misinformation surrounding sex.
Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between: The New and Necessary Conversations Today’s Teenagers Need to Have about Consent, Sexual Harassment, Healthy Relationships, Love, and More by Shafia Zaloom
Shafia Zaloom’s Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between is a game-changing resource that encourages open dialogue between teens and parents alike. This book tackles the complexities of sexuality, consent, pleasure, harassment, and assault in a way that is both accessible and empowering. Through relatable scenarios, personal anecdotes, and thought-provoking discussion questions, Zaloom provides a safe space for readers to explore their thoughts, feelings, and concerns.
Whether you’re a teenager seeking guidance or a parent looking for ways to initiate honest conversations with your child, this book is the perfect starting point for fostering a deeper understanding of sexuality and its many facets.
What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety by Jaclyn Friedman
In her thought-provoking guide, ‘What You Really Really Want’, Jaclyn Friedman empowers young women to confidently navigate the complex and often challenging world they inhabit. By distinguishing between their fears and facts, readers are encouraged to take control of their own healthy sexuality and make informed choices. This empowering approach is just one example of the inspiring resources available for those seeking a deeper understanding of sexual health and wellness.
For further reading, we recommend exploring the curated lists of must-read sex education books for adults, as well as titles that celebrate a positive and inclusive perspective on sexuality.